


Before and After

by GoodFinderBadger



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asthma, Fluff, HYDRA is an ass, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, steve is loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 17:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodFinderBadger/pseuds/GoodFinderBadger
Summary: Steve’s world is all about after the serum was given and after he woke from his time in the ice.  What if he was forced to live the before, even just for awhile?





	Before and After

**Author's Note:**

> I was on the blog @whumpitywhumpwhump and I saw a post about asthma attacks and how terrifying they are for everyone involved so I my mind went to our poor Steve who had it for so long. Then I had to play with if one came out of nowhere since Steve was so used to his new body now. Anyways this happened and it's not the best but it's readable. Yay for marvel universe writing again!

When Steve woke his room was dark and he could only see darkness outside his window as well.  He blinked heavily a few times and ran a hand through his hair to try and wake up a little more.  He remembered vaguely that the team plus Bucky had gone out on a mission that afternoon. Hydra had been causing problems and as usual they were the ones to interfere before it got out of control.  

 

His heart stuttered in his chest.

 

This time had been different.  They had been expecting them to show up and almost eager to see them.  The fighting had been difficult, even for him and his beyond normal capabilities.  One of them had gotten the upper hand on him and before he could throw the guy twenty feet away from him he had been injected with something.  He remembered the fear that had shot through him when he realized a needle had pierced his neck. The memories it brought back had been unpleasant to say the least.  

 

He had actually cried a bit when Bucky had found him frozen in place.

 

Whatever he’d been injected with must have knocked him out for the rest of the day and they had left him to sleep it off.  Steve smiled at his knees when he heard dishes being washed in the kitchen and slowly the hum of TV filtered in. Not everyone had left him of course.  Buck would never leave his side like that. Hell, he would probably leave him to fend for himself despite the fact that now he could lift almost twice his body weight.  

 

He made a displeased sound when he swung his legs over the side of the bed and the room spun for a moment.  How did they find something strong enough to still affect him after so many hours? Bruce couldn’t even give him anything to last more than four, despite trying for months now.   He brought a hand up to his head and closed his eyes to try and get the world to stay still long enough for him to figure out what was going on.

 

“Hey, you’re awake,” Bucky slowly eased the door open and his face lit up when he saw Steve awake.  “You’ve been out for about nine hours. It’s nearly midnight.” He wasn’t so casual when Steve made another sound of alarmed displeasure and dropped his head fully into his hands as he hunched over the side of the bed.  He felt sick to his stomach in such a foreign way that it was almost frightening. Since that serum he hadn’t been ill and nothing had really affected him physically. His body had been through beating after beating and he had never felt this awful.  “Steve?”

 

“I’m…” Steve wanted to tell him he was fine, but fear was clogging his throat.  This was so stupid. There was nothing to be afraid of. HIs stomach being upset was perfectly reasonable when he’d been given a heavy dose of some drug.  “What did they drug me with?”

 

“Bruce didn’t have any conclusive results to tell us.  He figured it was some kind of tranquilizer to get you out of the fight.” Bucky knelt in front of him and had both hands on his knees.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Sick,” Steve admitted softly as he swallowed a few times.  “That must of been one hell of a tranquilizer then.”

 

“You feel dizzy,” Bucky’s hand came up to brush through his hair and over the hands already cradling his head.  

 

“Dizzy and have a headache,” Steve confirmed as he tried to shake off feeling so off.  “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” He made to stand and immediately was weak in the knees. Bucky hurried to catch him before he hit the carpet and Steve felt the fear increase.  What the hell was going on?

 

“Take it easy Stevie,” Bucky’s voice leaked of concern as well and he tried not to let it alarm him further.  “Let’s stay in bed, okay? You hungry or anything? You haven’t eaten all day so I’m sure you’re starving. Tony brought up some sandwiches around dinner for you to have.  Or I can make you whatever you want me to.”

 

“Just stay,” Steve said in a voice that could barely be heard.  He tugged Bucky close and felt his eyes drift closed again. The other man quickly got the hint to climb in bed with him and cradle him close.  

 

“You just need some rest, Doll,” Bucky told him softly with a soft kiss to his head.  “Today was a rough fight. Nobody came back from that without a few bruises. They came after you the hardest.”

 

“I don’t get sick,” Steve said quietly and felt his eyes sting.  What the hell was going on? “I mean, ever. After eight hours I should be healed just fine.  It was just some drug. They didn’t even really hit me. I spent four days with Tony when he had the flu and I didn’t get so much as a sniffle.  I feel… I feel funny.”

 

“Shh,” Bucky hushed him gently with a hand tangled back in his hair.  “Tomorrow you’ll be fine, okay? Get some more sleep and the morning will bring a better day.”

 

Steve was too exhausted to argue that point so he let himself fall asleep and pretend that nothing weird was going on.  

 

He woke before Bucky the next morning and was relieved when his symptoms did seem to be better.  He felt a bit sluggish, but other than that he was fine. He got changed for his morning run and made some breakfast for himself.  He was full after only three eggs, which was unheard of, but maybe it was part of his recovery. He quickly put on some shoes and went outside for his usual run.  Soon enough he was on the familiar streets of the city and everything was fine again. His fear had been for nothing after all. 

 

He thought that for about twenty minutes before the fear came back ten times worse.

 

He felt his chest getting tight about ten minutes into his run, but he figured his lungs just had to wean off the last of that drug and pushed on.  He could run for at least a couple hours before his body showed any sign of weariness. He had made it almost to his familiar streets of Brooklyn when he passed a construction site where work was actively happening for a change.  He waved to the guys, too out of breath for a real greeting. He slowed to a jog but that wasn’t enough for his body to catch breath again. He started to cough as the tightness grew like a rubber band had been wrapped around him.  

 

He knew this pain.  He had had it so many times growing up on these streets with construction and all kinds of stuff in the air.  He could hardly walk to school without using his inhaler once back in the day. He leaned a hand on a brick wall next to him as he seemed to be unable to suck in air to his lungs.  He felt like he couldn’t breath and like the dust was choking him. This didn’t happen to Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America. This hadn’t happened since coming out of the ice.  

 

The pain grew and his breathing got worse, bringing him to his knees.  The fear crashed over him in a tsunami tide now as he fought to suck in air.  He fumbled for his phone in his pocket and dialed the person he called the most.  

 

“Did you seriously go running after the night you had?” Bucky offered instead of a greeting.  “Nobody is going to blame you for laying in bed one morning of your life. Super soldier or not you are allowed rest and relaxation.  I had plans for-”

 

“Buck,” Steve got out as tears streamed down his face.  He didn’t care what he looked like right now when he could hardly suck any air in and he felt like he was suffocating.  “Bucky.”

 

“Steve?  Hon, what’s going on?” BUcky’s voice turned sharp and serious in an instant.  “Are you alright?”

 

“I can’t breathe,” Steve choked out as panic crept over him as he said it aloud.  “Asthma.”

 

“Asthma?” Bucky repeated, bewildered.  “What the fuck? Steve you don’t have-”

 

“Bucky,” Steve sobbed his name again as he clutched his chest.  

 

“I’m on my way to you,” Bucky assured him and Steve could dimly hear doors slamming as he made good on his promise.  “Stark can track you or whatever. Take a deep breath Steve.”

 

Steve tried to and it hurt like hell.  His chest was burning and he was getting dizzy from lack of proper oxygen.  “Can’t. It h-hurts.” 

 

“I know it does,” Bucky said, sounding in nearly as much pain as he was in.  He heard Bucky saying something frantically to someone else. “We are on our way, okay?  I’ll see you in just a few minutes. It’s gonna be okay I promise.”

 

Steve let the phone go limp to the ground and tried to hold onto the thought of Bucky coming soon.  He could get him through this if it was asthma. God knew he had more than enough practice. The number of times he had forgotten his inhaler as a kid was staggering.  He really had had no self-preservation skills. 

 

Loud footsteps gave him seconds of warning before both Bucky and Tony were in front of him.  He was having a full blown panic attack by now and his head was throbbing in pain. Bucky didn’t hesitate a moment before maneuvering behind him and tugging him close to his chest.  

“Okay, okay Stevie I’m right here.  We got this down to a science now, hm?  Follow my breathing, okay?” Bucky’s hands were rubbing his shoulders gently as his chest moved slowly and deliberately.  

 

“W-why is this happening?” Steve gasped out as he tried to follow instructions.  The alarm wouldn’t leave him since it had been so long and it should be impossible for this to be happening at all.  

 

“Steve, we’ve got you, alright?” Tony said steadily.  “I may not have asthma, but panic attacks are my specialty by now.  We’ll get you through this.”

 

“I brought this,” Bucky showed him an inhaler that Steve had no idea existed.  The plastic was pressed to his lips and Steve felt a smidge of relief as the medication miraculously hit his lungs.  He coughed a few more times and it seemed to take forever for air to reach his lungs properly. 

 

Steve curled against Bucky’s chest as the pain ebbed away to a bearable level, though the fear was still there.  Tony was holding his hand and looking concerned and kind. It was a surreal experience and he hated being seen crying like this.  He felt like a kid all over again and it wasn’t the best feeling. 

 

“Feel any better?” Tony asked quietly after long minutes of the three of them sitting on the sidewalk.  Steve nodded and squeezed his hand tightly. “I’m sure that was terrifying. It’s been decades since you had to go through that, right?”

 

“What is going on?” Bucky asked quietly as he rubbed his back.  “Steve doesn’t have asthma. He doesn’t have even a hint of it. He was out of it last night after the drugs had been his system for over nine hours.  Something weird is going on.”

 

“It looks like something they gave him messed with the serum,” Tony speculated as he rocked back on his heels and stood.  “Let’s get him back the Tower and away from the construction. It’s probably what set him off in the first place.”

 

“Don’t even think about it,” Bucky warned as Steve tried to stand up on his own.  “You just worry about getting air into those lungs. You need to take it easy until we figure this out.”  

 

“I’m sorry,” Steve apologized softly as Bucky scooped him up in his arms.  A kiss was pressed to his temple softly.

 

“Darling, you don’t need to apologize at all.  This isn’t your fault,” Bucky assured him quietly.  

 

“I should have taken it easy.  Should have known something was off,” Steve said hoarsely before breaking into a round of coughs.  

 

“Take another puff of your inhaler,” Bucky instructed and already the Tower was in view.  He really hadn’t gotten far when he had collapsed. Steve fell quiet and let his head rest on Bucky’s shoulder as they quickly approached the Tower.  This whole thing made him feel oddly helpless. He could remember in the days when Bucky was constantly with him in case he got in trouble with other boys, or his breathing, or anything else he could find.  He would have died at least five times over if Bucky had never been his friend. He had truly forgotten how terrifying asthma attacks were until now. He didn’t want to go back to those times now that he knew a world where breathing was done without thinking.  How could he be an Avenger with asthma? Without the serum who was he in this new world? He had had a hard enough time finding a place in it as a superhero. What use would he be as just peaky Steve Rogers? 

 

He was quiet as Bucky settled him in a bed and Tony went to see if Bruce was free to see him.  He felt small now and he wasn’t used to feeling that way. He had become so used to being the guy that saved the day time and time again.  Of feeling useful and powerful for a change. 

 

“Steve,” Bucky said as he sat next to him on the bed.  The quiet rumble of his voice caused the tears to come back as Steve realized that his hero days could be over and he would go back to being nobody again.  It wouldn’t matter so much except all of his friends were on the team now. He had nobody outside the Avengers. A hand came up to cup his cheek as a thumb wiped away his tears.  “What’s the tears about, babydoll?”

 

“What if Captain America is over?” Steve asked in a quivering voice, staring at the white sheets.  “What if I’m not a hero anymore?”

 

“I’ll sleep a ton better,” Bucky muttered as a joke, but it fell flat when Steve didn’t so much as smile.  “So what if you aren’t a hero?”

 

“My whole life is here,” Steve said miserably.  “I don’t have a place out there. If I have to leave I don’t have anything.  I don’t even know where I’d live or-”

 

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted him and made their eyes meet.  “Nobody in this tower loves you because you can throw cars around, alright?  If whatever Hydra did to you really did take away your powers nothing will change with anyone here.  Your home is here, with me for good. Okay?”

 

“Why would you ever question if you belong here?”  Tony cut in as he stepped in the room. “Capsicle, you’re stuck with us no matter what goes on.  That much I can promise you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah I know that,” Steve muttered as he held Bucky close.  

 

“Let’s get some answers, yeah?” Bruce cut in as he shrugged on his coat and stepped into the room 

 

It didn’t take long to conclude that Hydra had indeed tried to mess with his powers.  They were trying to take them out from the inside instead of fighting them. Steve was their first target.  He wasn’t sure if he was horrified or honored by that. Bruce, genius that he is, had a plan to get him back to full strength, but it seemed like he would have to lay low for a few weeks.  Steve already had a feeling the number of missions were about to increase dramatically in that time. 

 

But he would come back stronger than ever sooner than they’d think.  


End file.
